Being honest is something we learn as we grow up, but no one really teaches us how to do it, when it is appropriate and when it is not, and how much information we really need to share in doing it. Let’s take a look.
Telling the truth is a good thing
Growing up, I remember my parents preaching that telling the truth is a good thing; however, throughout my life I have experienced many times that doing exactly that has brought me more pain and sadness. I once told a boyfriend that I met this new guy that I found interesting and that I would like to get to know him better. My boyfriend didn’t want to hear my truth and he left. I was in shock! I totally didn’t expect that.
Tell me the truth, now!
Parents want their children to explain what really happened instead of making excuses. The question really is: What happened before this situation that made the child believe that he could not tell what was happening? Children often experience punishment, shame, or fear due to past experiences with parents, teachers, or others in their care, preventing them from simply saying things like they are.
Even the promise of parents not to punish the child if they only tell the truth does not always hold up. Receiving double standard messages doesn’t make it easy …
Time and availability
I think telling the truth can only happen when there are 3 conditions:
1. Is what you are going to say about yourself and can you be absolutely sure that it is true?
2. Is the other person ready to hear what you have to say?
3. Is it beneficial for you and the other person to know?
If you answered one of these questions without waiting for a better time. This does not mean that you have an excuse for never confessing something you have done. Be honest with yourself when answering the questions: Honesty with yourself is the first step.
How much detail?
Working with clients in distress has taught me that the amount of detail is another important question to tell the truth. Too much or too little information can be detrimental, depending on the case. If you say very little and leave the rest to the other person’s imagination, you can create more pain than if you speak it all. On the other hand, if you go into too much detail about a sensitive topic, such as an affair, it can also add more pain rather than clarify things.