“No one else will ever love you.”
It is as if I have taken an iron to mark and engrave the words on your soul. Instead of rejecting them and acknowledging that the speaker is cruel and a liar, you find yourself on the verge of doubt, pondering the words, allowing them to resonate and take root, indisputably.
“Why would he say something so hurtful? He must see something that I don’t see in myself. What if I’m really unlovable, a loser, a failure?”
It is a ruthless deception. If you allow those thoughts to simmer, apart from a proper understanding of the abuser’s agenda, you may begin to accept and even believe the lie, if only for the reason that the slander also has the audacity to tell you. who loves. you. Somehow, it is easier to accept that he is sincere than to believe that he is deliberately trying to hurt you and therefore does not love you at all. That choice is too painful to entertain, and that little crack in your broken heart allows his hurtful words to leak out.
What you need to know is that if he can make you believe his lies, they will keep you tied to him. In fact, you will begin to see him as patient and even benevolent. He is willing to tolerate your presence, to put up with you despite your many glaring shortcomings. He kindly gives you the opportunity to improve yourself when he is fully aware that you are a pathetic, disposable creature totally unworthy of him.
What a boy.
The moment you give the slightest credibility to his assessment of you, you begin to give him the power to define who you are. In a valiant effort to demonstrate loyalty and submission and perhaps win her love, your actions may in fact reflect an assumption that its the truth is tea truth. The moment you go on a mission to convince him that he’s wrong about you, you actually give credit to all the terrible things he says. You put in value the false identity that he has chosen for you.
Recognize that your words are deliberately designed to cut, crush, and paralyze. There is no trace of love, or truth, woven between them.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“How can you be so stupid?”
“I don’t need you; you need me.”
“There is something seriously wrong with you.”
“You can’t do anything right.”
“You are worth nothing.”
“I don’t know why I put up with you.”
His words tell you that you have nothing to offer, no rights or value. He has you imagining that there must be some unknown quality that you lack and that somehow leaves you unworthy of him. Yes, those things he says are meant to lead you to contemplate how truly ashamed you will feel if this relationship fails. He is doing his part to blind you to the truth, because you are undeniably special and desirable, and you also possess everything you need to survive and thrive without him. It is important to him that he never understands that truth. He must hold you back, preoccupied with your endless madness and humiliating himself for your approval.
It can be a struggle of many years to overcome if your words feel true to a place where you can assess whether is it so true, and I’m sure they are not. Then, as difficult as it may be, you will have to recognize that the things you say are not based on any misunderstanding; those terrible things he tells you are intentional lies and slander. Not only does he not care if you suffer, he also wants you to hurt him, because his pain gives him strong and degrading control over his life.
In order for you to reject lies, you will have to struggle to remember who you really are and all the things you have to offer. He regrets knowing that those words should never have been said, they were never deserved. The words were treacherous, befitting the nature of the speaker.
Let’s look at this in a different way. What are some of the things you can expect a loving husband to tell you? How about something like …
“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me”.
“I adore you.”
“I am a very lucky man.”
When I was separated from my abuser, he would occasionally call me late at night when he knew I would be in bed. When I turned around to answer the phone, he always began with a warm “hello” and began his late-night conversation with something benign only to quickly escalate into a tirade of injustices and offenses that, according to him, he had committed against him. In my sleepy stupor, I tried to defend myself, to reason with him, believing that I could convince him of the sincerity of my intentions. Usually he ended his assault with a passionate flourish of irrepressible anger and hung up on me. And, I would hold the pillow to my chest and cry myself to sleep, wondering where I had gone wrong, why he was so determined to hurt me, and considering if there was a grain of truth in the midst of all the malicious things about him. saying.
Of course, all those things he said were lies. He knew he was not sleeping. He wasn’t selfish, callous, stupid, arrogant, lazy, dishonest, distrustful, or unforgiving, or any of the other words he used to describe me. No, the sickening truth is that the man had almost certainly been strategizing for days, assessing my vulnerabilities, planning his attack, hell-bent on emotional annihilation. His plans included a mountain of different ways to keep me doubting my worth and sanity in hopes that I would break under the weight of it all.
When I finally saw the truth about the nature of the man who was my husband, it was devastating. However, that understanding allowed me to change my focus and receive the tender affirmation of my Father-God who came to my side to strengthen me, reminding me of my true identity and my worth.
In the years after the divorce, there were times when I could still hear the echo of my ex-husband’s shameful prophecy: “No one else will ever love you.” But the day has come when God brought love my way, and I am free to love and be loved.
You cannot afford to be drawn into the deep darkness of your abuser’s lies. Don’t let it stop you from seeing everything you have to offer and becoming everything you want to be. Look back, look inward, and remember who you are. So look ahead and choose to live a life consistent with your true identity. Hear the affirming words of the One who knows you and proclaims: “You are special. You have courage. You are loved.”
Know that the denigrations of your abuser can only hold you captive as long as you choose to believe them, and the man who spits them is a liar whose words spring straight from the abyss of hell. There is no good reason to stay in the same house with a man who treats you like this.