For many years I was in an occupation that required me to go to bars. My clients or prospects often suggested meeting for a drink and discussing the details of whatever deal we were working on.
When I stopped drinking this was a big problem for me. I had been taught to stay away from bars. After all… that’s where the drink is. That was not an option for me because I still had to earn a living.
A friend who had been sober for a long time helped me find a way to solve my dilemma. He told me that, in fact, he should keep me away from bars. But, when legitimate reasons arose, it was fine. I just had to think about it for a bit before diving in.
This is what he told me to do…
drive myself
If I must go to a bar or party where I know I’m likely to drink, I should drive myself rather than ride with someone else. I should also park my car where I could get there quickly. Avoid using a valet service, for example.
If I found myself tempted, I could get out quickly before things turned ugly.
Maintain a life line
Before going to the bar or party, I had to call my friend and tell him where I was. He assured me that he could do it. If he heard something alarming in my voice, he would tell me to have an abortion.
I also had to apologize and call him while he was at the event. This kept me grounded in the “sober” world.
Order a drink right away
Upon arrival at the bar, I had to ask for a non-alcoholic drink such as tonic water. This would be a convenient excuse to turn down a drink… “no thanks, I already have one.” There was no reason for anyone to know what he was drinking.
He didn’t need to explain to anyone that he had stopped drinking. It wasn’t their business.
keep my visit brief
Even if things were going well, don’t stick around after the deal is over. Don’t be rude or rush out, but don’t overdo it either. When the deal was done, she hit the road.
Have another “major engagement” in the wings
Before going to the event, I must have an excuse to get ready. I should be ready to thank my clients for meeting with me, but I was going to have to cut the night short due to other obligations. For me that was often true, because I was usually heading to an AA meeting later.
If you have a good reason and are spiritually fit, spending time in a bar is acceptable. Just make sure you’re properly fortified and prepared before you do it.