Punk rock has always been my main religion. Other religions have competed for my attention, but when push came to shove, punk rock was it. I remember when I was 14 years old. I had been listening to punk since I was 11, but after seeing Sex Pistols Great Rocknroll Swindle, punk rock became a faulty source of strength for me. I remember feeling shy around the arrogant personalities in my society, especially in high school. I began to strive for the “get out!” sexy misfit attitude… I’ve been reading a lot lately about how Satan imitates Christian spirituality. In a sense, I became a devoted punk rock ascetic. Also having Christian sentiments within me, my punk influenced existence, and what I believed to be the true heart of the counterculture, was a spirit of anti-materialism. But, of course, I have discovered that everything is vanity. The proud so-called anti-materialism of a punk is often even more self-righteous/hypocritical materialism than that of society in general… or something like that.
Music for me is powerful. I can really fully engage him in an ecstatic hug. I used to read New Age teachings on the so-called “Laws of Attraction” (which lead to the lie that the ultimate realization is that “I” or “We” am/are “God”). Some of these teachings explain that by visualizing what you want and actually fully embracing this visualization (oddly enough, there is also a very popular false doctrine in Western pseudo-Christianity known as the “Prosperity Gospel” which teaches almost the exact same technique: “claim” this or that in the “name of Jesus!”) – you can manifest this desire/visualization into a real being. And it’s true; just like it’s true that you can win the world and benefit from your own soul (the old contract written in blood for the devil cliché actually has a metaphysically true idea behind it).
My experience has been that my punk-rocknroll fantasies haven’t come to fruition despite years of practice tuning into detailed visualizations of myself backed by my imaginary band of glorious freaks (usually made up of the coolest people I’ve ever met), though they probably could have if I turned outright reprobate. In the documentary “The Secret” on the “Laws of Attraction”, this guy explains that if you want a new cherry red convertible, you just have to visualize it in every little detail! And you really have to, when you’re just practicing visualization or whatever, you have to get in the driver’s seat (your living room recliner or chair or whatever is available) and you have to imagine yourself driving it, with passionate enthusiasm! And I think he shows him making car engine noises and turning an imaginary steering wheel and explains that of course it looks and sounds silly, but that’s how you manifest your materialistic desires. I was glad to hear this because I had been doing that for years with my punk rock dreams (a real life example would be the video for that Outcast song “Hey Yaaa” – That guy pulled off a hip-hop version of my music fantasies – though mine of course consisted of warehouse shows with skinheads playing electric guitars and aging gutter-punx with facial tattoos and standing Bettys [and other glorious misfit-types and rich hipsters looking uncomfortable]etc, etc, etc). But of course I’ve found that whenever I really start to get to a higher degree than usual than I think I want in life (especially when I’m in really great bands), I find myself completely hellishly miserable and self-destructive. But I still love punk rock, I just try not to listen to it as much.
I, my friends, am a weirdo (actually, I think I’m special and brilliant and I’m only saying that out of an act of what’s called “false humility”, in fact this statement is another attempt to do so, etc.)