This is a question that I posed to myself for many years early in my marriage to a Filipino woman. Men and women have different “key drivers” of happiness. Furthermore, every multicultural marriage must grapple with the fact that each party to the marriage comes to the union with an entirely different database of experiences as to what is morally right and wrong behavior, what is socially acceptable behavior and unacceptable, what is important and significant customs and customs, what is an appropriate style of conflict resolution, what is the appropriate dress and tone of communication, and so on – all the myriad of cultural differences that arise (most commonly in times of stress and conflict).
Dictionaries define happiness as being in a condition of enjoyment, or characterized by well-being and satisfaction. Those are nice, nice words, but when it comes to separating fact from fiction as to what is a state of enjoyment, well-being, and satisfaction, one must first learn what those conditions are.
The key conditions of happiness for a Filipina lady are usually one or more of the following: (i) material possessions, (ii) high academic or professional performance, (iv) much pleasure, (v) recognition, and (vi) strong and harmonious . family relationships. While Westerners pride themselves on her independence, a Filipina’s sense of identity derives from her family. The family is at the center of his existence. Being alone would be considered the last course.
However, a Western man is programmed from his youth on that true happiness will generally come from one or more of the following: (i) material possessions, (ii) high academic or professional achievements, (iii) a great reputation, (iv) lots of pleasure, and (v) freedom and independence. It is only after years of “climbing the corporate ladder” and “running the race” that one finally realizes that happiness is not a destination, but rather a state of being along the journey.
Once we men get over the surface (usually after a lot of self-inflicted pain and suffering), we finally realize that the true meaning of happiness is comfort, contentment, and joy.
Therefore, the crux of the matter in WHAT makes a Filipina wife happy comes down to how to serve her in order to provide her with the achievement of each of the “key drivers” of happiness. It’s about joining a deeper relationship that creates a condition of comfort, contentment, and joy for her, while maintaining one’s individual uniqueness as a human being. It’s about service. It’s about serving her wife every day. Make it a goal every day to serve her in a way that emphasizes her family and friends. Her strongest social drive is to be around people. Individualism is a very difficult concept for her to accept.
A Filipino wife sees a Western man as God fearing, hardworking, and deserving of much love, respect, and admiration. Consequently, she seeks in her husband a high moral and spiritual integrity. As such, she thinks he will be a spiritual, financial, and moral leader of a family, providing comfort and protection. What is essential in this regard is that the husband directs the marriage. Men crave respect, and a Filipino wife will keep her husband happy by showering him with respect, as long as he guides and serves her with great sensitivity to her cultural values.